I need your advice. Yes, YOU!

Ok, I don't care if we have never spoken before, but I need some input on this.
Because I am actually totally unable to make a decision and stick with it on my own.

I have been trying to stick to 1200cals per day for a while, sometimes going over, sometimes staying under.
Exercise has been a bit inconsistent, except for the last week or so.

Weight wise, I lose a bit, I gain it back. I lose a little more, I gain it plus more back.
Confuses the hell out of me.

When I was eating as little as possible, I was pretty much losing 0.1kgs every day, fairly consistently.
Every now and then I would have a bad day and binge, gain like 0.8kgs, lose it, and keep going.

SO.
What I would like your advice on, is which way to go?
It would be really great if someone could give me a hand with this. :/

At the moment, I'm leaning towards option B, but I know, it's unhealthy, it can't last, yadda yadda yadda.

Anyone want to help?

-
Christine xx

Take two million and six.

I have internets again! Woohoo! :D
I downloaded The Reichenbach Fall last week, and used up all my downloads. :/
So worth it though!! I am completly obsessed with Sherlock. Best show EVER. <3

But anyway.
Nothing exciting has happed since I last posted really.
Just dropping in to say I am most definatly counting calories again.
Did it for one day last week, went perfectly. (See last post)
Did weight watchers plan for a few days, didn't lose nearly as much.

So calorie counting wins!!

Breakfast was a little high. Oops. :p
Half a 98% fat free bagel with lite cream cheese and tea with artificial sugar. 191cals.

I'll do better for the rest of the day.
Wish me luck!

-
Christine xx

First day went wonderfully!

It really did. :)

Food: 592cals
Exercise: -394cals
Net intake: 198cals

I'm so happy with that!
Even if I don't have a scale to check on tomorrow. :(
Got my exercise, kept food under 600, and net under 500.
Yay for me! :D

BUT!
I do have a small crisis.
I think my Tumblr has been found. :O
I was checking out some girls Tumblr, (we used to be friends) and I accidentally clicked Follow instead of Dashboard! I unfollowed straight away, but she's now following me. I tried to block her, but I don't think it worked...
I may just have to delete it and start again. :/

This has the potential to be very very bad. :(
I don't think you can tell it's me, my name isn't anywhere, but it's still pretty obvious if you know me.

How many other people are obsessed with Labyrinth, David Bowie, Phantom of the Opera, Audrey Hepburn, and Kris Lemche?? And Labyrinth! And Bowie! (Yes, I love them, ALOT.)
Ugh. I'll just delete it and start again, to be safe.

-
Christine xx

Here goes everything!

Heyy! :)
I'm out at Dad's, finally, and tomorrow I start calorie counting. Again. Haha.
I had decided to start really high, but I think I might halve it. Or maybe not.
I don't know. :/
Ugh.

I had planned on doing some running while I'm out here, but all it's been doing is raining!
And I forgot my sneakers.
And my scales.
I'm so useless!

I really, really need my scales.
I have to see if this is working, dammit!!
I changed them from kilos to pounds this morning.
Not entirely sure why, but I wanted to.
Most of the people I follow on here use pounds instead of kilos, so at least I'll have a better understanding of how much they're talking about.

If Dad has to make a trip into or through town while I'm out here, I'm definitely stopping at mums and getting everything I forgot!
But anyway. I have a rough idea of how much I weighed when I left, so if I weigh less than that when I get home, I may have to stick to calories rather than ProPoints for a while.

Thank you to the people who gave me their opinions about changing back to calorie counting, but against almost all of your advice, I am going to give it another try.

Hope you are all going well! :)

Dangerous thinking...

I'm going out to my Dads for a while soon. :)
Hopefully for like a week.
And I have been thinking...
Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I just.. went back to calorie counting. Just for a little while.
I know it sounds weird, but I miss it.
I still have soup out there, and I can take some low cal food out...

I just feel like, Weight Watchers is super supportive and stuff, but maybe a little too forgiving?
"Oh, its a new day tomorrow!" "We all make mistakes" "We're only human"
I kinda, almost need the anger and self hate that always comes back when I count calories. It's terrific motivation.
I got to my lowest recorded weight calorie counting.
So maybe, just for a while, I could do that...
I'm just so, so sick of looking in the mirror and absolutely loathing what I see.
This could be all brought on a little by the fact that I had a friend stay over the other night.
She's about the same height as me, but like, one third my size.
She's a model. Fricking gorgeous.
But anyway.

I think I will give this a go.
I can go running out at Dads, and I'll be alone a lot of the time, so it's ridiculously easy to lie about how much I eat.
I love my daddy, but he's a little cluless.

Stay strong. <3

This may be harder than I thought...

Used the Wii Fit today, for the first time since I've started eating healthy.
Holy crap, bad idea.
It measures how many calories you burn, and just seeing the calories adding up, I felt all the old feelings coming back.
"I should really be counting my calories." "I miss feeling hungry" "I wonder if I could have a negative intake today." "I want to burn at least 800 today" "I just want to starve again."Uh. Maybe I'm not as well adjusted as I thought. :/
*Sigh*
Baby steps, Christine, baby steps.
I think I'll stick to walking for a little while longer. Get back into the Wii gradually.

Just me rambling about crap. :)

Ok. So I spent a week at Dads, and ate everything in sight. (literally.)
Then the day I came home to Mums I went to an 18th, and got messy drunk. :p
Then in the last 6 days I have eaten so, so much frickin crap.
If it was edible, I ate it.

And I have gained about a kg.
On one hand, I'm like, "Wahhhhh! A whole kg! I'm fat, I'm faaaaattt!!"
But on the other hand, "Hey, two weeks of eating like a cow, and drinking like half a bottle of vodka, and whole bottle of full sugar, full fat, full everything soft drink. And I've only gained one kg."

So eh. Both sides have good points.
But I'm actually getting off my butt and getting back into this. I have my black coffee (love) and for lunch I'm either having either 56 cal soup, or a small salad.. Not sure yet.

Is it bad that I don't count the calories from the fruit I eat? I just cant remember which ones are negative calorie, and how to count those, so I just don't count them.
I try not to eat to much fruit, so I don't think it's that bad...

I've been watching Gossip Girl for the last 3 days.
Blair Waldorf = best thinspo!
I started reading the books when I was like 15, and my God, all I have ever wanted to be since then is Blair.

Leighton Meester is so gorgeous.
Sigh. If only I was pretty :p

Ok, I know you guys don't want to hear about my love life (or lack there of) but I have to have a little freak out.
A few nights ago I got a message on Facebook from this guy. And almost every night since then he and I have stayed up late talking.
Problem is, I already dated him once.
And he's a raging pot head.
No future.
My parents hate him.
My friends hate him
God, I hate him!
And yet, I keep talking to him... :/
Rah. I just need to get it together.
Any who, that's pretty much it.
Stay strong xx

Bleh.

Same weight as yesterday. FML.
Changed my diet plan. Starting tomorrow:

500 calories a day.

Breakfast- black coffee (4)

Lunch- Soup (56)

Dinner- small amount of whatever Mum cooks (up to 400)

Snacks- 8 pieces of sugar free gum (40)

Smoke when I get hungry.

I'm going to throw my self into this new plan, and if I don't see some results in a week, I don't know what I'll do.

Ate to much today. Bleh.

Fatty fat fat. Thats what I am.

Ugh.

Wasted is so fricking good. Seriously. Love it.

Hope you're doing way better than I am.

Stay strong

xx

My measurements!

Woo!
I took some measurements this time last week, and just took them again and compared them.

Weight- down 0.7kgs
Waist- down half an inch
Hips- down half an inch
Bust- down 1 and a half inches
Thigh- down 2 inches
Calf- no change
Upper arm- no change
Neck- down half an inch

Not much, but I'm really happy with it!
That two inches off my Thighs is like Christmas morning. :D
Bit disappointed with my calf and upper arm measurements though. :/
Oh well, you can't win 'em all!

The dreaded doctors appointment is tomorrow, so I'm keeping my calories verrrry low.
Its at like 10 o'clock or something, so I wont eat tomorrow morning.
If he doesnt even weigh me, Imma be so pissed.

I'm having one of those Cup-a-Soups for lunch. I'm not a soup person, but its so nice!
'Spring Vegetable' 56 cals.
:)
Brings today's grand total (so far) to 60 cals.
I had coffee this morning. :p

Wish me luck for tomorrow!
Stay strong
xx

Sore muscles!

Sorrrrre, so sorrrre!My calves hurt.
My thighs hurt.
My stomach hurts.
My arms hurt.
Woe is me.

Yesterday morning I went with my cousin and aunt to this exercise session in the park.
It was great!
She had us do stretches to warm up, and 'centre our bodies' and all that jazz, then made us do a circut she set up.
We were in pairs, (I was with my aunt since we were both first timers) and one person had to do sit ups while the partner held their feet to the ground. Then we jogged out to the cricket pitch in the middle of the field and jogged back.
Then the other partner did the sit ups, then more jogging, and some push ups.
We did that over, and over, and over.
Plus we jogged around the whole oval.
And ran across the field forwards, backwards and to either side.
Some stretches to warm down, and we were done.
The whole thing took about an hour.

I am so doing it again next week!
:D

Food wise, not so good.
I just keep eating!
Waahhhh!
I feel so gross. :p

However!
If I continue to loose 0.1 kg a day, I should be 94kgs exactly by my doctors appointment, which puts me at 14kgs under my highest weight.
Yay for me! Haha.

Stay strong
xx

Just checking in..

Noooo! The power of the ANZAC bikkies was too strong! I couldn't say no. :(
But, I didn't actually eat it. I did that whole 'Chew n Spit' thing. So gross.
So I put it down as 10 cals, just in case I accidentally swallowed some. Should I have put it as more or less, or is 10 cals a good guess?

Including that, I've had 190 calories today so far. So much better than the last few days.
For dinner I'm just going to have what I had last night, so that's only another 130 cals.
I think that's a pretty frickin' good day calorie wise. :)

Aaand I'm about to exercise, so that'll bring my Net intake down even more!
Yay for good days like this!!

Weighed myself today at the usual time, lost a little more. Slowly but surely.

Made plans for Saturday to go downtown with a friend from school. Her jerky boyfriend broke up with her, so she wanted some company. Then that night we're going to another friends to watch movies.
I think I can get away with a fasting day! Woo Hoo!
I haven't fasted for months.
So looking forward to this.

Stay strong
xx


----------------EDIT----------3:00pm------------

Ok, exercising done.
Burnt 410 calories (not as good as yesterday, I know),
which puts my net intake at the moment as -220.
Dinner is only going to be 130 cals.
YAY YAY YAY!! I have a negitive net intake today!!
Crazy proud of myself!!
:D
Thats a hell of a lot better than yesterday! :)

Will power is being tested...

Mum did some baking last night, so we have a house full of choc chip biscuits and ANZAC biscuits.
Its taking every ounce of my will power not to just have one... or two... or eight.
I will not binge.
I will not binge.
I will not binge.

Fairly good day calorie wise.
All up I've had 1015 (disgustingly high, I know), but I exercised my way down to a net intake of 538.
477 cals burnt between the Wii Fit and the 'elderly' exercise bike.

Breakfast - 53cals
Lunch- 496cals
Dinner- 130cals
Snacks- 333cals

Actually pretty terrible looking at it like that.
Exercise should not be my excuse to eat as much as I like.
No, I'm definitely going to keep my calorie intake lower than that, and net intake below 800.

And why the heck am I eating lunch?!
Lunch for crying out loud!!
Fattyfatfat.
No more lunch for me.
That should lower my calories per day by a bit.

I eat breakfast to start up my metabolism, so I cant really cut that out.
Its only 53 calories a day, anyway.
And I cant get out of dinner. My mum would shoot me if I started skipping dinner.
(Yes, that makes fasting ridiculously hard.)
 
Ugh!
Stay strong
xx

Nothing to report...

Went pretty well today.
710 cals.
Breakfast- Yogurt (53cals)
Lunch - Soup (180cals)
Dinner - Spagetti Bolognese (405cals)
Snacks - 69 cals

Didn't get to exercising today, my brother was over for a while.
I feel full. I hate it. :p
I'm going to do the Wii Fit for a while tomorrow, make up for my recent lack of exercise.

Early to bed tonight I think, I'm so damn tired!
The storm last night had me up at 2 am, the thunder was so incredibly loud!

Sorry this post is boring and all over the place.
Stay strong
xx

Hunger hurts but starving works.

Hello m'dears. This post may be a long one I'm afraid.

Facts:
1. I have gained weight.
2. I am not going to be in the 80s in time for my doctors appointment.
3. I am not going to lose weight by reading blogs and looking at thinspo.

I cannot change these things. But these things are "not a problem, just a factor."
(If anyone guesses what book that quote comes from, you are my new best friend, and I will kiss your feet.)

As of today, I have set a new calorie limit: Net of 800 per day.
Under that is great. Over that is not acceptable.
I will exercise (in some way, shape or form) everyday.
I WILL NOT BINGE.
I will not purge, because it makes my teeth icky. :p
I will not drink alcohol because I don't need the calories. (Also because I apparently cant keep my mouth shut when I'm drunk. No more accidental revealing of eating issues.)
I will try not to hurt myself again, but no promises there. (My leg looks fine BTW, bit of a scar though.)
If I plateau, I will cry.


Actual-real-serious-non-changing deadline and goal weight:

75kg by 31st December 2011*

*Weight and date subject to change.

I know I'll change my mind a hundred times between now and then, but for now, this is the plan.
Until next year.
Then onwards to more weight loss!

I honestly have no idea what I would do if I wasn't trying to lose weight. Like, my life would have no purpose. How sad. :p

Ok, that's all for now I think.
Well, there is something else bugging me, but I'm not ready to put it into words. It'll make it seem to real.

Stay strong.
xx


(BTW, I'm not actually kissing anyones feet. Ew.)

I am pretty much a tub of lard.

Ugh.
I am so frigging disgusted with my self right now. I actually feel full. I don't even remember the last time I felt like this. I'm such a fatty. :p
Seriously.
I woke up at 11 this morning, and know what I had for breakfast?
Frigging cake! I am insanely embarrassed to say that, but its true. I had cake, and then I had two pieces of toast, just because it was there.
You know who has cake for breakfast?
Lard-ass fattys with no will power, that's who.

*le sigh.*
Now I have that out of my system, I feel a little better.
In other news....
18th birthday party's are a baaaaad idea. I went to two last week, my friends, who for the sake of anonymity will be called C, and my own.
Crazy amounts of food consumed, and even crazier amounts of empty calories in the form of alcohol were consumed.
*another le sigh.*

I swear that starting right this very minute, I am back on the wagon.
I will resume restricting, counting calories, and hating myself for days if I binge.
That really sounds pretty terrible, just printed there in black and white, but it really is my lifeblood. I would have nothing to do, to aim for if I didn't have Ana.
So I thank her, for sticking with me, even after all the times I ignored her and ate the stupid food.

But yes. On a happier note, I am finally 18!
Woo! :D
I can finally do everything Ive been doing for the last 5 years, legally. Haha :)
That's such a tacky line, but Ive always wanted to use it!
Honestly though, its a lie.
I was a terribly good kid. I only got drunk like, 3 times, and smoked twice I think?
I really was the goody goody!

On another happy note, I weighed myself at the beginning of the week of the two 18ths, and at the end of the week, and I only gained 0.1 of a kg. Thank gosh.
I really thought it would be much more than that.

But anyway, I should be off, as I have to get ready to go to the movies with some friends :)
And I wont eat any of the fatty cinema food!
:)

I love my Wii Fit.

I just did an hour on the wii fit, and burnt 303 calories. (And no, I cant just say 300, those 3 calories count. lol) Yay for me!! :D
On the downside, I have to have pizza tonight, because we're celebrating my cousins birthday. Blah.
I love pizza, and I hate that.
I don't know what is wrong with me, but ever since I decided that I wouldn't eat over 1000 calories a day, I haven't been able to stick to it! I'm friggin' pathetic.
I heard today that one of the major turn offs for guys on a date, is girls who count their calories.
Well, fuck guys.
I'm pretty sure going on a date with a fat, lard-ass girl would be more of a turn off than a skinny girl who counted calories.
:D