Here goes everything!

Heyy! :)
I'm out at Dad's, finally, and tomorrow I start calorie counting. Again. Haha.
I had decided to start really high, but I think I might halve it. Or maybe not.
I don't know. :/
Ugh.

I had planned on doing some running while I'm out here, but all it's been doing is raining!
And I forgot my sneakers.
And my scales.
I'm so useless!

I really, really need my scales.
I have to see if this is working, dammit!!
I changed them from kilos to pounds this morning.
Not entirely sure why, but I wanted to.
Most of the people I follow on here use pounds instead of kilos, so at least I'll have a better understanding of how much they're talking about.

If Dad has to make a trip into or through town while I'm out here, I'm definitely stopping at mums and getting everything I forgot!
But anyway. I have a rough idea of how much I weighed when I left, so if I weigh less than that when I get home, I may have to stick to calories rather than ProPoints for a while.

Thank you to the people who gave me their opinions about changing back to calorie counting, but against almost all of your advice, I am going to give it another try.

Hope you are all going well! :)

Dangerous thinking...

I'm going out to my Dads for a while soon. :)
Hopefully for like a week.
And I have been thinking...
Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I just.. went back to calorie counting. Just for a little while.
I know it sounds weird, but I miss it.
I still have soup out there, and I can take some low cal food out...

I just feel like, Weight Watchers is super supportive and stuff, but maybe a little too forgiving?
"Oh, its a new day tomorrow!" "We all make mistakes" "We're only human"
I kinda, almost need the anger and self hate that always comes back when I count calories. It's terrific motivation.
I got to my lowest recorded weight calorie counting.
So maybe, just for a while, I could do that...
I'm just so, so sick of looking in the mirror and absolutely loathing what I see.
This could be all brought on a little by the fact that I had a friend stay over the other night.
She's about the same height as me, but like, one third my size.
She's a model. Fricking gorgeous.
But anyway.

I think I will give this a go.
I can go running out at Dads, and I'll be alone a lot of the time, so it's ridiculously easy to lie about how much I eat.
I love my daddy, but he's a little cluless.

Stay strong. <3

Just me whinging. :p

What is wrong with me??? I have zero will power at the moment. :(
I used to be able to refuse anything. Now, nope. I just obsess and think about it, and then I eat it. :p
No will power!!

I went off TF for the last few days. I was out at dads, and I just can't stick to it out there. I don't know why, I just have never been able to. But eh, I am home now, and being good.

Have the headache from hell right now. According to the TF book, its from carb withdrawal. Yay! I must be doing something right. :)

I've been listening to 4st 7lb by Manic Street Preachers non stop lately. Some parts of it, the lyrics are like, exactly how I feel.

"Problem is diet's not a big enough word
I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view

I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity"

That describes how I feel perfectly. And this:

"Mother tries to choke me with roast beef
And sits savouring her sole Ryvita
That's the way you're built my father said
But I can change, my cocoon shedding"

Is totally true. My Mum hardly eats, but is always cooking biscuits or cakes, and tries to force me to eat. Like, all the time.
When I used to complain about how fat I am, Dad would say that's just how your built.
UH!!

OK. Enough complaining and bitching and feeling sorry for my self.
Sorry you had to read my whining. If you made it all the way to the end, you get a shiny gold star. If you didn't make it this far, I don't blame you! :)
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