I am a bit of an idiot... again.

Ughhhh.
8 months.
I had a good 8 month no-self-harm streak going.
And I broke it tonight.

Silly Christine, SILLY.

On my arm, no less.
That was stupid.
So much harder to hide. :/

Raaah.
Fml.

Sorry for a depressing mini-post.

-
Christine x

Dangerous thinking...

I'm going out to my Dads for a while soon. :)
Hopefully for like a week.
And I have been thinking...
Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I just.. went back to calorie counting. Just for a little while.
I know it sounds weird, but I miss it.
I still have soup out there, and I can take some low cal food out...

I just feel like, Weight Watchers is super supportive and stuff, but maybe a little too forgiving?
"Oh, its a new day tomorrow!" "We all make mistakes" "We're only human"
I kinda, almost need the anger and self hate that always comes back when I count calories. It's terrific motivation.
I got to my lowest recorded weight calorie counting.
So maybe, just for a while, I could do that...
I'm just so, so sick of looking in the mirror and absolutely loathing what I see.
This could be all brought on a little by the fact that I had a friend stay over the other night.
She's about the same height as me, but like, one third my size.
She's a model. Fricking gorgeous.
But anyway.

I think I will give this a go.
I can go running out at Dads, and I'll be alone a lot of the time, so it's ridiculously easy to lie about how much I eat.
I love my daddy, but he's a little cluless.

Stay strong. <3

Waaaahh.

Just ate heaps of crap, cuz I'm fat.
I need to go to my Weight Watchers meeting next week to get re-motivated!!
Waahh, so fat... :(

Fuck eating 'normal'

I'm back, and not eating a fucking thing until I stop looking like a fucking blimp.

Cried all day cause I'm enormous.
FML.

Hope you guys have been doing well.
xx

I'm such a wale, I should just change my name to Moby Dick.

Times I binged in the last 2 days: 10000000
Times I purged/exercised in the last 2 days: 0



Fuck my life.

Home again home again.

I went out to my Dads for a week, ate everything in sight. Gain half a kg. I'm so gross. :p

Looks like mums friend has forgotten about the exercise bike...
Aaand I dont want to be rude and ask her for it...
But I really need it.

I saw one for only $250 in a sports shop yesterday... If I had that much, I would have bought it, without a second thought.

I should probably join a gym again... I cancelled my last membership because I never went...
In my defense though, it was ment to be a joint effort with my cousin, and she never went, so I never went... She was my ride there.






I hate being fat.

Hell Yes!

Finally! Seeing some results from the ABC diet!! I have officially reached my first goal weight of 95kgs! Thank God for restrictive dieting!! I don't actually feel any thinner, but I guess what the scales say is the most important thing.

100cal day today, which is good, but bad because my brother decided to stay home today. So I've had to eat a couple little things so he doesn't notice anything. Been chewing gum and drinking water and sugar free, caffeine free diet coke, which as about 2cals in it. This makes me feel pretty full, so I'm not prowling in the kitchen, wishing I wasn't so fat so that I could eat something.

Omigod, I think I may take up pole dancing. No, not because its sexy, because its an incredible work out. And my semi-pro Ana friend here is doing them with me! But I am going to look terrible on a pole next to her. She really has a great figure.

I'm looking for a hobby to keep me busy during the day, lest I be tempted to eat. I'm trying to learn the guitar, but I'm pretty sure its a sin to play that badly. Haha.

Any who, I'm going now to make green tea, and Google some thinspo to keep me good and motivated.