Dangerous thinking...

I'm going out to my Dads for a while soon. :)
Hopefully for like a week.
And I have been thinking...
Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I just.. went back to calorie counting. Just for a little while.
I know it sounds weird, but I miss it.
I still have soup out there, and I can take some low cal food out...

I just feel like, Weight Watchers is super supportive and stuff, but maybe a little too forgiving?
"Oh, its a new day tomorrow!" "We all make mistakes" "We're only human"
I kinda, almost need the anger and self hate that always comes back when I count calories. It's terrific motivation.
I got to my lowest recorded weight calorie counting.
So maybe, just for a while, I could do that...
I'm just so, so sick of looking in the mirror and absolutely loathing what I see.
This could be all brought on a little by the fact that I had a friend stay over the other night.
She's about the same height as me, but like, one third my size.
She's a model. Fricking gorgeous.
But anyway.

I think I will give this a go.
I can go running out at Dads, and I'll be alone a lot of the time, so it's ridiculously easy to lie about how much I eat.
I love my daddy, but he's a little cluless.

Stay strong. <3

This may be harder than I thought...

Used the Wii Fit today, for the first time since I've started eating healthy.
Holy crap, bad idea.
It measures how many calories you burn, and just seeing the calories adding up, I felt all the old feelings coming back.
"I should really be counting my calories." "I miss feeling hungry" "I wonder if I could have a negative intake today." "I want to burn at least 800 today" "I just want to starve again."Uh. Maybe I'm not as well adjusted as I thought. :/
*Sigh*
Baby steps, Christine, baby steps.
I think I'll stick to walking for a little while longer. Get back into the Wii gradually.

Fuck eating 'normal'

I'm back, and not eating a fucking thing until I stop looking like a fucking blimp.

Cried all day cause I'm enormous.
FML.

Hope you guys have been doing well.
xx

Just checking in..

Noooo! The power of the ANZAC bikkies was too strong! I couldn't say no. :(
But, I didn't actually eat it. I did that whole 'Chew n Spit' thing. So gross.
So I put it down as 10 cals, just in case I accidentally swallowed some. Should I have put it as more or less, or is 10 cals a good guess?

Including that, I've had 190 calories today so far. So much better than the last few days.
For dinner I'm just going to have what I had last night, so that's only another 130 cals.
I think that's a pretty frickin' good day calorie wise. :)

Aaand I'm about to exercise, so that'll bring my Net intake down even more!
Yay for good days like this!!

Weighed myself today at the usual time, lost a little more. Slowly but surely.

Made plans for Saturday to go downtown with a friend from school. Her jerky boyfriend broke up with her, so she wanted some company. Then that night we're going to another friends to watch movies.
I think I can get away with a fasting day! Woo Hoo!
I haven't fasted for months.
So looking forward to this.

Stay strong
xx


----------------EDIT----------3:00pm------------

Ok, exercising done.
Burnt 410 calories (not as good as yesterday, I know),
which puts my net intake at the moment as -220.
Dinner is only going to be 130 cals.
YAY YAY YAY!! I have a negitive net intake today!!
Crazy proud of myself!!
:D
Thats a hell of a lot better than yesterday! :)