Fuck eating 'normal'

I'm back, and not eating a fucking thing until I stop looking like a fucking blimp.

Cried all day cause I'm enormous.
FML.

Hope you guys have been doing well.
xx

To stay or to go?

Ok, so I'm in day 2 of eating like a normal person.

I just decided that I couldn't keep living how I was, its just not fun. Having to agonize over everything I ate or drank, constantly counting calories, I couldn't keep doing that, so I quit.
Went cold turkey.
Actually, its easier than I thought... I don't know if that's a good or bad thing :/

So since Sunday I have been stuck at 94.7, and no amount of restricting or exercising could change that. I ate Breakfast, Lunch, Afternoon tea, and Dinner yesterday, and as of today I'm now 94.4.
Life is good. :D

Going to the beach on Saturday. Sure not wearing a bikini, but still. I won't be as fat as I was last time I went to the beach.

I don't know if I'm going to continue this blog...
I want to, because I want to see how everyone I follow is going, like, I'm not going to go all anti-dieting or anything. I still hope all of you meet your goal weights and are happy.
But then I don't want to, just in case I get tempted to start again...

Rah. I don't know.
Stay strong.
xx

Just me rambling about crap. :)

Ok. So I spent a week at Dads, and ate everything in sight. (literally.)
Then the day I came home to Mums I went to an 18th, and got messy drunk. :p
Then in the last 6 days I have eaten so, so much frickin crap.
If it was edible, I ate it.

And I have gained about a kg.
On one hand, I'm like, "Wahhhhh! A whole kg! I'm fat, I'm faaaaattt!!"
But on the other hand, "Hey, two weeks of eating like a cow, and drinking like half a bottle of vodka, and whole bottle of full sugar, full fat, full everything soft drink. And I've only gained one kg."

So eh. Both sides have good points.
But I'm actually getting off my butt and getting back into this. I have my black coffee (love) and for lunch I'm either having either 56 cal soup, or a small salad.. Not sure yet.

Is it bad that I don't count the calories from the fruit I eat? I just cant remember which ones are negative calorie, and how to count those, so I just don't count them.
I try not to eat to much fruit, so I don't think it's that bad...

I've been watching Gossip Girl for the last 3 days.
Blair Waldorf = best thinspo!
I started reading the books when I was like 15, and my God, all I have ever wanted to be since then is Blair.

Leighton Meester is so gorgeous.
Sigh. If only I was pretty :p

Ok, I know you guys don't want to hear about my love life (or lack there of) but I have to have a little freak out.
A few nights ago I got a message on Facebook from this guy. And almost every night since then he and I have stayed up late talking.
Problem is, I already dated him once.
And he's a raging pot head.
No future.
My parents hate him.
My friends hate him
God, I hate him!
And yet, I keep talking to him... :/
Rah. I just need to get it together.
Any who, that's pretty much it.
Stay strong xx

Ughhhhhh

Damn you Vodka.

Had a little too much fun last night at a friends 18th, and boy am I paying for it now.
Been puking my guts up all night, can hardly move without feeling sick. Ugghhh. Bad feeling.

I got up about an hour ago and made two pieces of toast, and weighed myself just for the fun of it. I was like 93.7! I assume thats just because I have literally no water weight at the moment though.

I dont actually feel good enough to keep typing, the computer is sitting on my stomach, and its not helping matters at all!

When I feel better I'll post again :)
Stay strong
xx

Bleh.

Same weight as yesterday. FML.
Changed my diet plan. Starting tomorrow:

500 calories a day.

Breakfast- black coffee (4)

Lunch- Soup (56)

Dinner- small amount of whatever Mum cooks (up to 400)

Snacks- 8 pieces of sugar free gum (40)

Smoke when I get hungry.

I'm going to throw my self into this new plan, and if I don't see some results in a week, I don't know what I'll do.

Ate to much today. Bleh.

Fatty fat fat. Thats what I am.

Ugh.

Wasted is so fricking good. Seriously. Love it.

Hope you're doing way better than I am.

Stay strong

xx

I hate this!

Rah! I am stuck!
Not plateau, just stuck.
I can never seem to get away from 95-94kgs. I always seem to be somewhere between there!
It's driving me crazy!!

Uh. On a better note, I got Wasted. :)
I bought it on iBooks on my iPod.
It's so good! Like, better than I expected!

Tried to purge again today, still nothing.
Rah. My gag reflex is like, broken. :(
Which is super lame.
Sigh.

On a relatively great note, I lost 0.4 of a kg since yesterday! Yay yay yay!
Half of my gained weight is gone! :D
Just gotta keep working on the other half, and then more.

Stay strong
xx

Two steps forward, one step back.

Ok, now I'm past all the crying and eating, I can get back to business.
I did gain (FML), 0.8kg.
Not as bad as I was expecting, I thought it would be more like 1 and a half kgs.
So that's good. :)
That should take me about a week to lose. Little longer probably.
But that's ok. I've lost it before, I can do it again.
I have another 18th coming up, around the end of the month/the first of next month.
I want to lose as much as possible for it.
I'm thinking around 1.2/1.3 kgs, if I keep losing at the same pace I was before.
Its not that much, but better than nothing, I guess!

I really want to read Wasted by Marya Hornbacher, but I cant find it anywhere!
Everyone I've talked to says how good it is, but it is impossible to get. :p
The library doesn't have it, but the bookshops I've gone to say they can order it in, but I don't really want to have to explain to my Mum why I'm going to so much trouble to get a book about anorexia.
That could be an awkward conversation.

Anywho, hope you guys are doing better than me :)
Stay strong
xx