Ah crap.

Noooo!!
My appointment time got changed!! It's TOMORROW.
Shitshitshit!!
I thought I had a month!
Wahhhhh!!


I'm not in the 80s yet, (obviously) so Dr Bitchface is gonna call me fat again. FML.
Weighed myself a little late today, but I'm down 0.2 of a kilo since yesterday. Yay for that.

On another note, my new favourite thinspo quote:

I'm going to eat very light tonight, and not gonna eat at all tomorrow, at least not until my appointment is over.

So frickin' nervous!
x


-----------------EDIT--10:18PM--------------------------


Its ok! Mum made a mistake, and my appointment really is next month.
Now that I'm over my little heart attack, I can sleep tonight. :)
x

Just me whinging. :p

What is wrong with me??? I have zero will power at the moment. :(
I used to be able to refuse anything. Now, nope. I just obsess and think about it, and then I eat it. :p
No will power!!

I went off TF for the last few days. I was out at dads, and I just can't stick to it out there. I don't know why, I just have never been able to. But eh, I am home now, and being good.

Have the headache from hell right now. According to the TF book, its from carb withdrawal. Yay! I must be doing something right. :)

I've been listening to 4st 7lb by Manic Street Preachers non stop lately. Some parts of it, the lyrics are like, exactly how I feel.

"Problem is diet's not a big enough word
I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view

I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity"

That describes how I feel perfectly. And this:

"Mother tries to choke me with roast beef
And sits savouring her sole Ryvita
That's the way you're built my father said
But I can change, my cocoon shedding"

Is totally true. My Mum hardly eats, but is always cooking biscuits or cakes, and tries to force me to eat. Like, all the time.
When I used to complain about how fat I am, Dad would say that's just how your built.
UH!!

OK. Enough complaining and bitching and feeling sorry for my self.
Sorry you had to read my whining. If you made it all the way to the end, you get a shiny gold star. If you didn't make it this far, I don't blame you! :)
x

[Insert appropriate title here]

Woohoo, going out to Dad's for a few days! :)
Although, that means no Internet. :(

I think my 500-cal-a-day idea is a little drastic. The two TF shakes I have to have a day are 213 cals each. So I have 426 cals before dinner. Hmmm. Not gonna work. Drat.
I think I'm gonna up it to about 800 cals. If I stay under that for a few days, I'll bring it down to 600.
I'll just see how I go.

Went running and on the exercise bike this morning. Burnt off around 219 calories. Yay for me!
No bike out at Dad's though, so I'm gonna have to rely on the running. Ugh. Not my favourite exercise.
I would love to join the gym again. Lovelovelovelovelove. But it just isn't gonna happen. FML.

I hate myself for drinking the other night. All my hard work over the last week? Gone!!
I guess 800 extra calories in a day will do that.
Damn my ability to not throw up when I'm drunk. *Sigh*

I'm getting a bit worried that I'm not gonna make it to the 80s in time for my appointment with Dr Bitchface.
Damned if I'm gonna let him call me fat again, though.
Grrrrrr.

Rah. I should go pack. But I hate packing. :p
Screw packing. I'm just gonna look at thinspo. :D
xx

Deadline has been set!

Rah! I am determined to be in the 80s by the 12th of September!
I have a doctors appointment that day.

The doctor I see for my epilepsy practically called me fat last time I went to see him. So, I am determined to prove him wrong.
I believe that the medication he prescribed me made me gain weight. :p

He weighed me when I first saw him, the morning after I went to the emergency room, but I cant remember what I was. I was a bit overweight though.
Then the next time he weighed me was after I had been on the medication for a few months, and I had gained 12kg!!

He made me get on the scale 3 times! He thought it was impossible I could have gained that much.
I was so damn embarrassed. I had a red face for the rest of the appointment.

When I got home I asked mum if I could start a diet, and she agreed. That's when I started Tony Ferguson.
I lost 10kgs on that, then stopped.
I lost a few kilos on my own, and lost 2.7 last week when I started TF again.

So I am back to what I was before I started taking the epilepsy medication.
But I want to loose so much more, and rub that in his face! :/

Gah. I really regret drinking so much the other night. That slowed my weight loss down a bit. But, I am not going over a net of 500 calories a day until I am down in the 80s.

I CAN DO THIS.

I have the Exercise Bike... and its a senior citizen.

I got the bike, I got the bike, I got the bike!!!
Eeeee!!
It looks older than me, but I have it!!!

It was obviously born before the digital era. Haha.
Its handle bars are kinda rusty, and there is a dial thingy that shows how fast I go and how far I've gone, but the seat is new. :)
I love it!

I went for a weigh in at Tony Ferguson this morning... And I have lost... *drumroll please*...

2.7kg

this week!!

Yay for me!
I bought my first pack of cigarettes yesterday. :O
I have smoked before, I just bought my own. I felt very 18 and grown up haha.

Ugh, I think I had about 800 calories in the form of Vodka and Blood Orange mix last night.
But I got verrry happy, haha.
I never get 'drunk,' I get happy!

But Ohmigod, I think I said something to my friends about my... eating issues.
Friend 1 was trying to make me eat bread, to soak up some of the alcohol. She took my drink away until I ate half the bread, so I tried to humor her. I hadn't eaten anything that day anyway.
Problem is, I vaguely remember saying to Friend 2, 'Ew, I don't even remember the last time I ate bread. I haven't even had that much to drink, I just haven't eaten since yesterday morning!'

Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

Friend 3 kept asking questions then, little subtle ones about eating, that I didn't realise I was digging myself a hole before I was way, way down. :/
She was like, 'don't worry about calories, just love yourself!' And I was like, 'but there's to frickin' much to love!'
She just looked at me then, and said 'Amy, I am very worried about your eating habits and relationship with food.'
She looked so sad and worried! I felt frickin' terrible.

But eh. I will be skinny.

My Bike! <3

Don't worry Ana, I'm still here.

I know I haven't posted in a while, I just haven't had a lot to say...
Been on Tony Ferguson for about a week now, lost about 3kg. :D
Yayayayay!
Crazy proud of myself today, I burnt 508 calories on the Wii Fit. Woohoo for me!
My net intake for today so far is only 10 cals!
We're having dinner with my aunt and uncle tonight, so that means take out food. :/
Good news is, we're having fish and chips. So I'm just going to have a small piece of grilled fish and some salad. No chips!!

Looking into buying an exercise bike, seeing as it looks like Mum's friend has forgotten her offer of giving me her old one.
They have one at Big W for only $98, so that doesnt sound to bad.
Mum was pushing me to get this little doodad that you attach to the back wheel of a normal bike, and it holds it still. She said that would be just as good as an exercise bike.
Call me crazy, but I would rather get an actual machine that tells me my speed, how many calories burnt, and I can adjust the difficulty of, rather than a little stand thingy thats costs the same amount.

But whatever.

I have another 18th on tomorrow. 1980s theme. Should be pretty good! Though I was just checking out how many cals are in the drinks I bought... 150cals per 200ml!!
Eh!

And that is all I have to say at this point in time...
Off to read other blogs and look at thinspo. :)

Ahh, life is good.

A few good things have all happened at once.
Good thing number:
1- Mum changed her mind, and I'm going back on Tony Ferguson tomorrow!
2- I'm going to see a play with my Dad, and I bought a little black dress to wear (gasp) , and I look great in it!
3- I'm losing weight! Down in the 94-point-somethings!!

Happy happy happy. :)

Went for a 40 minute walk at about midday. Good pace, I can walk faster for longer now.
Been in this good mood for 3 days. :D If things would keep going like this, things would be perfect.

That's my favourite picture/quote at the moment. I just love it. It describes everything so well. :)

Cuts on my legs are healing up well. I cringe every time I think of them though. Gah. I'm so silly! :p
Anywho, I have to go clean house and study.
:)