Just me whinging. :p

What is wrong with me??? I have zero will power at the moment. :(
I used to be able to refuse anything. Now, nope. I just obsess and think about it, and then I eat it. :p
No will power!!

I went off TF for the last few days. I was out at dads, and I just can't stick to it out there. I don't know why, I just have never been able to. But eh, I am home now, and being good.

Have the headache from hell right now. According to the TF book, its from carb withdrawal. Yay! I must be doing something right. :)

I've been listening to 4st 7lb by Manic Street Preachers non stop lately. Some parts of it, the lyrics are like, exactly how I feel.

"Problem is diet's not a big enough word
I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view

I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity"

That describes how I feel perfectly. And this:

"Mother tries to choke me with roast beef
And sits savouring her sole Ryvita
That's the way you're built my father said
But I can change, my cocoon shedding"

Is totally true. My Mum hardly eats, but is always cooking biscuits or cakes, and tries to force me to eat. Like, all the time.
When I used to complain about how fat I am, Dad would say that's just how your built.
UH!!

OK. Enough complaining and bitching and feeling sorry for my self.
Sorry you had to read my whining. If you made it all the way to the end, you get a shiny gold star. If you didn't make it this far, I don't blame you! :)
x

[Insert appropriate title here]

Woohoo, going out to Dad's for a few days! :)
Although, that means no Internet. :(

I think my 500-cal-a-day idea is a little drastic. The two TF shakes I have to have a day are 213 cals each. So I have 426 cals before dinner. Hmmm. Not gonna work. Drat.
I think I'm gonna up it to about 800 cals. If I stay under that for a few days, I'll bring it down to 600.
I'll just see how I go.

Went running and on the exercise bike this morning. Burnt off around 219 calories. Yay for me!
No bike out at Dad's though, so I'm gonna have to rely on the running. Ugh. Not my favourite exercise.
I would love to join the gym again. Lovelovelovelovelove. But it just isn't gonna happen. FML.

I hate myself for drinking the other night. All my hard work over the last week? Gone!!
I guess 800 extra calories in a day will do that.
Damn my ability to not throw up when I'm drunk. *Sigh*

I'm getting a bit worried that I'm not gonna make it to the 80s in time for my appointment with Dr Bitchface.
Damned if I'm gonna let him call me fat again, though.
Grrrrrr.

Rah. I should go pack. But I hate packing. :p
Screw packing. I'm just gonna look at thinspo. :D
xx

Deadline has been set!

Rah! I am determined to be in the 80s by the 12th of September!
I have a doctors appointment that day.

The doctor I see for my epilepsy practically called me fat last time I went to see him. So, I am determined to prove him wrong.
I believe that the medication he prescribed me made me gain weight. :p

He weighed me when I first saw him, the morning after I went to the emergency room, but I cant remember what I was. I was a bit overweight though.
Then the next time he weighed me was after I had been on the medication for a few months, and I had gained 12kg!!

He made me get on the scale 3 times! He thought it was impossible I could have gained that much.
I was so damn embarrassed. I had a red face for the rest of the appointment.

When I got home I asked mum if I could start a diet, and she agreed. That's when I started Tony Ferguson.
I lost 10kgs on that, then stopped.
I lost a few kilos on my own, and lost 2.7 last week when I started TF again.

So I am back to what I was before I started taking the epilepsy medication.
But I want to loose so much more, and rub that in his face! :/

Gah. I really regret drinking so much the other night. That slowed my weight loss down a bit. But, I am not going over a net of 500 calories a day until I am down in the 80s.

I CAN DO THIS.

Ahh, life is good.

A few good things have all happened at once.
Good thing number:
1- Mum changed her mind, and I'm going back on Tony Ferguson tomorrow!
2- I'm going to see a play with my Dad, and I bought a little black dress to wear (gasp) , and I look great in it!
3- I'm losing weight! Down in the 94-point-somethings!!

Happy happy happy. :)

Went for a 40 minute walk at about midday. Good pace, I can walk faster for longer now.
Been in this good mood for 3 days. :D If things would keep going like this, things would be perfect.

That's my favourite picture/quote at the moment. I just love it. It describes everything so well. :)

Cuts on my legs are healing up well. I cringe every time I think of them though. Gah. I'm so silly! :p
Anywho, I have to go clean house and study.
:)

Not giving up, just taking a new form of attack.

Happy Tuesday! :)
I read through my last few posts, and I sound terribly melancholy. So, I spent the whole morning... readjusting my outlook.

As soon as mum comes home, I'm asking her if I can start Tony Ferguson again. I like it, it worked, and if I have to have two calorie laden shakes a day, so be it.
But, I am going to follow it exactly. Last time I did pretty well, but cheated a little, didn't eat enough fruit, not enough water, things like that, and I still lost 10 or so kilos!
So if I follow it better this time.... :)
Yes. I am much happier now.

On another note, I started a Tumblr! I cant use it, but I have it! Haha.
I'm sure i can figure it out... eventually!
its called
iloveyou2thebones
hence why I changed the name of this blog. Just so it all matches. :)

I watched some Pro Ana doco on YouTube.. It was actually really good. Made me feel fat, but it was still good.

I am determined to be skinny by December 1st. Grrr. I will show them all!!

Don't yell at me, but I am considering taking up smoking. Not cause its 'cool,' it not. Because the whole appetite suppressant thing.
Its either that or diet pills. Blah.
Any input about that would be nice :)