Finally! Seeing some results from the ABC diet!! I have officially reached my first goal weight of 95kgs! Thank God for restrictive dieting!! I don't actually feel any thinner, but I guess what the scales say is the most important thing.
100cal day today, which is good, but bad because my brother decided to stay home today. So I've had to eat a couple little things so he doesn't notice anything. Been chewing gum and drinking water and sugar free, caffeine free diet coke, which as about 2cals in it. This makes me feel pretty full, so I'm not prowling in the kitchen, wishing I wasn't so fat so that I could eat something.
Omigod, I think I may take up pole dancing. No, not because its sexy, because its an incredible work out. And my semi-pro Ana friend here is doing them with me! But I am going to look terrible on a pole next to her. She really has a great figure.
I'm looking for a hobby to keep me busy during the day, lest I be tempted to eat. I'm trying to learn the guitar, but I'm pretty sure its a sin to play that badly. Haha.
Any who, I'm going now to make green tea, and Google some thinspo to keep me good and motivated.
Showing posts with label ABC diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ABC diet. Show all posts
Monday, 13 June 2011
Sunday, 12 June 2011
So freaking close...
Damn, damn, damn!!
So close! I can't believe I went over the calorie limit again! 300 calories is all I should have eaten today. I've had 383 today so far, and mum is making me eat dinner. Ugh. Disgusting, fatty steak, but on the plus side, veggies with it. Definantly not eating it all.
I love how fast my mind is giving in to Ana this time. In the past, I had thoughts of, Is this healthy? This is stupid, not natural, I'm making my self sick.
Ha. This is not stupid, unnatural, or unhealthy. This is perfect. This is what defines me.
My mum and I went to this incredible coffee shop I used to eat from all the time. Today, I looked at the fatty foods, and calorie loaded drinks, and didn't want any. At all. They would only make me even more fat and disgusting.
Hmm. Mabye I will change today to a 400cal day, and have 300cal tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow Ana will be pleased with me.
Friday, 10 June 2011
Hi, Hey, Hello.
On the off chance someone is reading this, hi. I'm Amy, I'm 182cm tall, 96kgs (disgustingly fat, I know) and am in a relationship with Ana, who is also my best friend. For those of you who know who I mean by Ana, I welcome you as a friend. If you don't know who I mean, then you really won't understand, and this won't interest you.
A quick warning: This is not pro recovery. I have no intention of giving up Ana, and this blog could be considered triggering for those who are trying to recover.
I have just finished high school, and I'm going to study childcare soon. As much as I love my mum and brother, who I live with, I cannot wait to move out. Then I can eat as little and purge as much as I like.
I lost 10kgs not long ago, but its not enough. I want to lose at least 20 more. All my life I have hated my body. I've always been bigger than my friends, which is kinda lame. You know how every group has the fat friend? Yeah, well, that was me.
The only time I have come close to liking my size was when Ana and I met for the first time in Grade 10, when I was 15. I was at a bording school, and was fighting with my friends pretty badly.
"Don't have dinner tonight. You'll feel better. Trust me." That was the first time Ana spoke to me... And we have been friends on and off ever since.
At one stage my friends caught on, and it was terrible. There were people with me at all times, all reporting to eachother about when I ate and when they thought I purged.
My moment of glory was when I passed out at school from lack of eating. To me, that ment that I had shown how strong I was. How good my self control was.
I totally ballooned up at the end of Year 11 when my parents split up. I just ate everything. It was so freaking disgusting.
But anywho. Thats enough about the past. Today was Day 2 of the ABC diet. I've had 270 calories today (would have been less, but mum forced a sandwich on me at lunch) so dinner has to be 230 calories or less.
Thats enough crap for today. Lets see how I go with only 300 calories tomorrow.
A quick warning: This is not pro recovery. I have no intention of giving up Ana, and this blog could be considered triggering for those who are trying to recover.
I have just finished high school, and I'm going to study childcare soon. As much as I love my mum and brother, who I live with, I cannot wait to move out. Then I can eat as little and purge as much as I like.
I lost 10kgs not long ago, but its not enough. I want to lose at least 20 more. All my life I have hated my body. I've always been bigger than my friends, which is kinda lame. You know how every group has the fat friend? Yeah, well, that was me.
The only time I have come close to liking my size was when Ana and I met for the first time in Grade 10, when I was 15. I was at a bording school, and was fighting with my friends pretty badly.
"Don't have dinner tonight. You'll feel better. Trust me." That was the first time Ana spoke to me... And we have been friends on and off ever since.
At one stage my friends caught on, and it was terrible. There were people with me at all times, all reporting to eachother about when I ate and when they thought I purged.
My moment of glory was when I passed out at school from lack of eating. To me, that ment that I had shown how strong I was. How good my self control was.
I totally ballooned up at the end of Year 11 when my parents split up. I just ate everything. It was so freaking disgusting.
But anywho. Thats enough about the past. Today was Day 2 of the ABC diet. I've had 270 calories today (would have been less, but mum forced a sandwich on me at lunch) so dinner has to be 230 calories or less.
Thats enough crap for today. Lets see how I go with only 300 calories tomorrow.
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