I'm going out to my Dads for a while soon. :)
Hopefully for like a week.
And I have been thinking...
Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I just.. went back to calorie counting. Just for a little while.
I know it sounds weird, but I miss it.
I still have soup out there, and I can take some low cal food out...
I just feel like, Weight Watchers is super supportive and stuff, but maybe a little too forgiving?
"Oh, its a new day tomorrow!" "We all make mistakes" "We're only human"
I kinda, almost need the anger and self hate that always comes back when I count calories. It's terrific motivation.
I got to my lowest recorded weight calorie counting.
So maybe, just for a while, I could do that...
I'm just so, so sick of looking in the mirror and absolutely loathing what I see.
This could be all brought on a little by the fact that I had a friend stay over the other night.
She's about the same height as me, but like, one third my size.
She's a model. Fricking gorgeous.
But anyway.
I think I will give this a go.
I can go running out at Dads, and I'll be alone a lot of the time, so it's ridiculously easy to lie about how much I eat.
I love my daddy, but he's a little cluless.
Stay strong. <3
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Screw this.
I am the biggest fuck up ever.
Sitting on my bed, taking stock of my life, and I have realised that I suck.
Honest to God. Worthless.
Graduated in 2010, still no job.
Got my Learners licence in 2009, and I still don't have my P's.
Still living at home, still a loser, still FAT.
Fuck my life.
I literally have no life! Its goddamn pathetic!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another note;
Went out to Dad's for the weekend, and he asked if I wanted to help out at a campaign office. Cuz he's all into this political thing.
So I said yeah, that sounds good.
So he called someone, who said it would be great if I would help them out.
So she's gonna call and arrange something.
And according to Dad, there is a good chance this will turn into me getting a job.
Now I just have to tell Mum.
And she is gonna flip out.
She HATES all things political, cuz thats somehow the reason she and Dad broke up, or some shit.
FUCK IT ALL!!
AND, I'm all fat and bloated and moody, and PMSing. :p
Hope everyone is happier than me.
Sitting on my bed, taking stock of my life, and I have realised that I suck.
Honest to God. Worthless.
Graduated in 2010, still no job.
Got my Learners licence in 2009, and I still don't have my P's.
Still living at home, still a loser, still FAT.
Fuck my life.
I literally have no life! Its goddamn pathetic!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another note;
Went out to Dad's for the weekend, and he asked if I wanted to help out at a campaign office. Cuz he's all into this political thing.
So I said yeah, that sounds good.
So he called someone, who said it would be great if I would help them out.
So she's gonna call and arrange something.
And according to Dad, there is a good chance this will turn into me getting a job.
Now I just have to tell Mum.
And she is gonna flip out.
She HATES all things political, cuz thats somehow the reason she and Dad broke up, or some shit.
FUCK IT ALL!!
AND, I'm all fat and bloated and moody, and PMSing. :p
Hope everyone is happier than me.
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Happy happy happy :D
I just dropped half my tin of tuna in the sink, because I'm brilliant like that. :/
But I'm having a lovahly tuna salad for lunch anyway. :)
Weighed myself this morning...
OVER A KG LOST!!
I am down to 96.4kgs!
Yay yay yay!!
To celebrate, I had the best banana smoothie for breakfast.
My legs are killing me today though. From my step up arobics thing I did day before yesterday.
Great work out, baaaad after effects.
That's pretty much all I have to say, I just wanted to update my weight loss.
And sorry for all the blog colour changes. I promise no more! :)
Banana Smoothie
1 small banana coarsely chopped
200g Vanilla yogurt
1/2cup of skim milk
Put banana and yogurt in blender and blend until almost smooth. Add milk and blend again, until smooth.
It's super simple, but I think that's why its so good. No stupid instructions like, a pinch of this, a handfull of that, stir only counter clockwise, and make on the night of the full moon.
I may be exaggerating the stupid instructions, but anyway.
Sorry I cant tell you how many calories! :p
But I'm having a lovahly tuna salad for lunch anyway. :)
Weighed myself this morning...
OVER A KG LOST!!
I am down to 96.4kgs!
Yay yay yay!!
To celebrate, I had the best banana smoothie for breakfast.
My legs are killing me today though. From my step up arobics thing I did day before yesterday.
Great work out, baaaad after effects.
That's pretty much all I have to say, I just wanted to update my weight loss.
And sorry for all the blog colour changes. I promise no more! :)
Banana Smoothie
1 small banana coarsely chopped
200g Vanilla yogurt
1/2cup of skim milk
Put banana and yogurt in blender and blend until almost smooth. Add milk and blend again, until smooth.
It's super simple, but I think that's why its so good. No stupid instructions like, a pinch of this, a handfull of that, stir only counter clockwise, and make on the night of the full moon.
I may be exaggerating the stupid instructions, but anyway.
Sorry I cant tell you how many calories! :p
Feel free to not read this post!! :)
I did this quiz thingy when I first started, and just thought I'd do it again :)
Size: shirts -M-L/14-16, pants - 14-16
Age: 18
Highest Weight: 108kgs
Lowest Weight: 70-something kgs
Goal Weight: 75kgs
Favorite Diet Food?
Black coffee, low cal soup
Favorite Binge Food?
Doritos/Corn Chips, Mac&Cheese
Favorite Exercise?
Step arobics, cardio
Thinspo?
Shoulder, collar and hip bones showing <3
What Makes You Slip Up?
Boredom, stress
What Makes You Strong?
Knowing I have a secret and that I can hide it from everyone.
When Did It Start?
Highschool some time...
Does Anyone Know?
Some people know a little bit... My friend 'Meg' knows the most, but not quite everything...
Do You Want Help?
Not until I'm super thin. In a sick, twisted way, I kind of want to be hospitalised, just so I can say to myself, see? You are good at something. And people think youre skinny now.
Sick, I know.
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
No idea anymore :(
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT!!!!
Are You In A Relationship?
Haha yeah no. No one would look at me when I'm this size....
Is It For Attention?
No!! It's because it should be against the law to be as big as me :p
Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
Fat one. :(
Are You Depressed?
No :p
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
Er, yes'm. Not a fun time.
Ever Been To A Psychologist?
I think so? Psychologist/Psychiatrist, whatever.
Are You On Any Medication?
Yes, for my epilepsy.
I AM -
[] anorexic
[x] ednos
[sometimes] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] eating something
[ ] under 100lbs
[] starving myself
[ ] participating in a fast
[ ] vegan
PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[x] have tried to stop me
I WISH -
[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was prettier
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
[x] I had a boy/girlfriend
[ x] I could disappear
I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference
[x] shaking
[x] being weak (but strong at the same time)
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself
I HATE -
[x] when people stare
[x] being asked questions
[x] having to eat [in front of other people]
[x] being single
[x] wearing short skirts
[x] being fat
[x] looking ugly
[x] feeling this way
[x] fat people
I NEED -
[x] more support
[x] people to stay out of my business
[ ] more friends
[ ] someone to know
[x] less food
[x] more water
[x] a gym membership
[x] to lose 50 lbs
[x] to lose 30 lbs
[x] to lose 10lbs
Whats horrible is that I'm now "healthy" but a majority of the answers remained the same. :/
Size: shirts -M-L/14-16, pants - 14-16
Age: 18
Highest Weight: 108kgs
Lowest Weight: 70-something kgs
Goal Weight: 75kgs
Favorite Diet Food?
Black coffee, low cal soup
Favorite Binge Food?
Doritos/Corn Chips, Mac&Cheese
Favorite Exercise?
Step arobics, cardio
Thinspo?
Shoulder, collar and hip bones showing <3
What Makes You Slip Up?
Boredom, stress
What Makes You Strong?
Knowing I have a secret and that I can hide it from everyone.
When Did It Start?
Highschool some time...
Does Anyone Know?
Some people know a little bit... My friend 'Meg' knows the most, but not quite everything...
Do You Want Help?
Not until I'm super thin. In a sick, twisted way, I kind of want to be hospitalised, just so I can say to myself, see? You are good at something. And people think youre skinny now.
Sick, I know.
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
No idea anymore :(
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT!!!!
Are You In A Relationship?
Haha yeah no. No one would look at me when I'm this size....
Is It For Attention?
No!! It's because it should be against the law to be as big as me :p
Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
Fat one. :(
Are You Depressed?
No :p
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
Er, yes'm. Not a fun time.
Ever Been To A Psychologist?
I think so? Psychologist/Psychiatrist, whatever.
Are You On Any Medication?
Yes, for my epilepsy.
I AM -
[] anorexic
[x] ednos
[sometimes] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] eating something
[ ] under 100lbs
[] starving myself
[ ] participating in a fast
[ ] vegan
PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[x] have tried to stop me
I WISH -
[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was prettier
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
[x] I had a boy/girlfriend
[ x] I could disappear
I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference
[x] shaking
[x] being weak (but strong at the same time)
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself
I HATE -
[x] when people stare
[x] being asked questions
[x] having to eat [in front of other people]
[x] being single
[x] wearing short skirts
[x] being fat
[x] looking ugly
[x] feeling this way
[x] fat people
I NEED -
[x] more support
[x] people to stay out of my business
[ ] more friends
[ ] someone to know
[x] less food
[x] more water
[x] a gym membership
[x] to lose 50 lbs
[x] to lose 30 lbs
[x] to lose 10lbs
Whats horrible is that I'm now "healthy" but a majority of the answers remained the same. :/
This may be harder than I thought...
Used the Wii Fit today, for the first time since I've started eating healthy.
Holy crap, bad idea.
It measures how many calories you burn, and just seeing the calories adding up, I felt all the old feelings coming back.
"I should really be counting my calories." "I miss feeling hungry" "I wonder if I could have a negative intake today." "I want to burn at least 800 today" "I just want to starve again."Uh. Maybe I'm not as well adjusted as I thought. :/
*Sigh*
Baby steps, Christine, baby steps.
I think I'll stick to walking for a little while longer. Get back into the Wii gradually.
Holy crap, bad idea.
It measures how many calories you burn, and just seeing the calories adding up, I felt all the old feelings coming back.
"I should really be counting my calories." "I miss feeling hungry" "I wonder if I could have a negative intake today." "I want to burn at least 800 today" "I just want to starve again."Uh. Maybe I'm not as well adjusted as I thought. :/
*Sigh*
Baby steps, Christine, baby steps.
I think I'll stick to walking for a little while longer. Get back into the Wii gradually.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Making new habits...
Ok, so, I was just in the kitchen, making lunch, (Salad with lettuce, tomato, cheese, shallots, tuna, carrot and balsamic dressing) when I realised that I was actually looking forward to eating it. It actually looked good to me.
This is a pretty huge development for me.
When my parents split up two years ago, all I ate was junk food. No exaggeration. I could eat an entire packet of potato chips in one go. (Frigging disgusting, I know.) Healthy food just didn't appeal to me at all. Not nearly as comforting as a giant block of chocolate.
And then there was the whole deal with counting calories and throwing up... I used to seriously stress out eating salad, because I didn't know the exact amount of calories that were in it.
But yeah.
I think that my habits are starting to change. I look forward to my exercise, food I used to love, (e.g MacDonald's!) now pretty much repulses me. You can literally see the fat on their food! Ick!
Weighed myself this morning... Lost! :D
Any who, thought I would just share that little epiphany with you. :)
This is a pretty huge development for me.
When my parents split up two years ago, all I ate was junk food. No exaggeration. I could eat an entire packet of potato chips in one go. (Frigging disgusting, I know.) Healthy food just didn't appeal to me at all. Not nearly as comforting as a giant block of chocolate.
And then there was the whole deal with counting calories and throwing up... I used to seriously stress out eating salad, because I didn't know the exact amount of calories that were in it.
But yeah.
I think that my habits are starting to change. I look forward to my exercise, food I used to love, (e.g MacDonald's!) now pretty much repulses me. You can literally see the fat on their food! Ick!
Weighed myself this morning... Lost! :D
Any who, thought I would just share that little epiphany with you. :)
Monday, 6 February 2012
The Internet is a Wonderful Thing.
I'm back! Finally!
For the last like, 2 months I have had no Internet. It was horrible. *shudder*
However, I have Internet once more, and am here to bore you all with the details of my weight loss.
Hmm, lets see... what has changed since I last posted...
Nothing.
I'm about the same weight, same measurements, my hair is a little longer, a little darker, and I have new earrings.
But that's about it. *sigh*
Starting to track my food again tomorrow.
I have a brand spanking new notebook, and I am full of motivation.
Stay strong! :)
For the last like, 2 months I have had no Internet. It was horrible. *shudder*
However, I have Internet once more, and am here to bore you all with the details of my weight loss.
Hmm, lets see... what has changed since I last posted...
Nothing.
I'm about the same weight, same measurements, my hair is a little longer, a little darker, and I have new earrings.
But that's about it. *sigh*
Starting to track my food again tomorrow.
I have a brand spanking new notebook, and I am full of motivation.
Stay strong! :)
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